After only four hours of sleep, my eyes flickered open this morning. It took a few seconds, but once the realization of today's significance crept into my mind my eyes popped, and a smile crept over my face. Suddenly, I was flooded with that giddy feeling that accompanies children on Christmas morning, and at the same time I immediately felt the pangs of nervousness setting in.
Today is transfer day! It means (hopefully) at least one of my little embryos has survived until today. Although we won't know for sure until we are up there, we are hopeful that one of them is strong-willed enough to make it to this point.
It's truly hard to believe that today we will (hopefully) transfer an incredibly tiny bastocyst (the term for a day 5 embryo) into me, and I will (hopefully) be holding my future child whose gender, looks, and personality are already determined. Oh! It's such an amazing thought!!
When I look back on the entire process, it is overwhelming how incredible each step of the journey is. The fact that we, as human beings, have drugs and technology capable of overcoming fertility issues is truly nothing short of miraculous. I don't know that there are many harder pains than those felt by a woman suffering through infertility. The desire to have a baby is a consuming feeling which leaves you exasperated and despaired if it doesn't work month after month, year after year.
Therefore, regardless of what happens in two weeks, at my first beta, I've decided to revel in the remarkability of today! I've decided that today is about thanking the good Lord for bringing us to this point safely and strengthening our marriage along the way. I'm determined to be nothing short of stunned as I (hopefully) watch my little sweet blastocyst be transferred because today is a miracle to me.
A true miracle.