Sunday, July 29, 2012

I May Have Overreacted . . . .

Long-post warning! Sorry for the length, but writing about it all makes it so much easier to sort it all out in my mind. :)

Ok..I'm admitting it...I may have overreacted about the progesterone shots.

I won't say that the first one wasn't a doozy because it CERTAINLY was just that. I think it was a weird adjustment for my body and coupled with anesthesia it didn't sit too well for me.

That said, the shots have gotten better. I once in awhile get a hot flash, and I'm still dealing with the constipation issue (though not NEARLY as much thanks to some help from some fellow CF friends). I do think one of my problems is that I have virtually no fat on my backside so I do wind up with extreme muscle pains from them each day. It takes about a full day without a shot for my one side to feel better, and by that time another shot is due to be injected in that same side! Needless to say, I've been sitting on heating pads a lot as it hurts each time I take a step.

It's worth it though. Definitely.

Other symptoms from the shot have included an increase in appetite (which is good since my weight is down to 113...ouch), and I'm pretty tired, but it's nothing I can't handle!

Tomorrow, after my transfer (did I really just write that?!?!), I will switch to the suppositories so it will give my skinny little bum a chance to heal!

In other news, I did test for the trigger shot today. I was actually excited just to see a positive since I've never personally gotten one, and even though I knew it was going to be "fake," I wanted to see it. Well, surprise surprise..the trigger shot is already out. I don't know if this is because I metabolize things quickly or not, but I was a bit disappointed. On the bright side, if I decide to test early now I know that a positive is really a positive!

I also found myself very down yesterday after hearing from more than one person (indirectly) that they really don't think IVF will ever work for us.  I have obviously been worried about that from day one as I injected myself with crazy hormones for the process. Hearing it from other people is hard, though. I've been trying not to be pessimistic, but I've found it so difficult. I look at the statistics of it, and I realize that more than likely it will definitely take more than once to make it happen. I also worry that our little embryos won't make it to day 5, and I won't have a transfer at all. I know this is supposed to be a time of relaxation, but it's the farthest thing from it. As a fellow reader (and CFer) commented, it's completely out of my hands which is why the worry is there.

In a way, the worry shouldn't be there at all if it's out of my hands since God has a perfect plan..regardless of what I want to happen. He knows when it's right, and I have to trust Him. Also, I truly believe that with Him anything is possible. Even the impossible.

I will say that my negative feelings have been a bit way off from the beginning. I was sure that I wouldn't make it to egg retrieval..then I was sure that I would ovulate early, and we would wind up with no eggs. From there, I just knew that our eggs wouldn't fertilize, and then if they did, they wouldn't make it to day 3. I am not normally a negative person at all, but I think I'm just safe-guarding my heart from failure as much as possible. This is by far the most emotionally invested I have ever felt about something, and failure would hurt. A lot.

The two things I have tried to focus on are God's power to do anything - even the impossible, and the fact that not only did the eggs fertilize, but all 4 of them look perfect on day 3. The fact that we have created embryos and they have done this well for this long already is truly miraculous. It fascinates me, and it amazes me. It also makes me think that perhaps the problem really has been that egg couldn't meet sperm before. So maybe once that problem is out of the equation, the end result will be success.

Ok...I'm ready! Bring on the transfer!!


  1. I'm so excited for you and I love reading each one of your posts about this process! I cannot wait to hear how the transfer goes and I'll be holding my breath with you until you're able to test! :) Good luck tomorrow!!!

  2. I'm hoping and praying for the best for you and David tomorrow!!! Couple questions for you. How many embryo's do you plan to implant? In our case we did two embryo's each transfer. I think that was the right decision for us. Did you ask your doctor if you are using the smallest needle allowed for the progesterone shots? The suppositories sound awful but then again I am not getting a needle in my butt everyday.

    I'm really sorry you had to deal with someone that told you IVF will not work for you. Who in the right mind would say that to someone going through such an emotional time. I hope you told this person you will never understand this journey until you have gone through it.

    Anyway forget this person. Tomorrow is all you and David and remember try think of the things that are glass half full. You have 4 embryo's that have made it this far. You and David have managed to make it to the biggest day of your lives tomorrow. Continue to stay strong Megan :)
    Good luck tomorrow!!

  3. Colleen, thank you so much for the good wishes and sweet words. I can't wait to write about today as well! It's been a long time getting here, and it's a bit overwhelming!

    John, Thank you so much for the hopes and prayers! We are so worried that none of them will be viable as we get to the clinic this morning. As for the needles, I didn't ask the doctor since I'm only on them until today. I figure if I have to do another cycle, I will be sure to ask beforehand. Also, suppositories don't sound fun to me, but they sound less painful than the shot in the butt so I'm willing to give them a try ;)

    As far as the negative comments, we have received them on and off since deciding we wanted to have a baby. We know people who feel that it's very unfair of me to want a child due to my CF, and that it's too dangerous to me or the baby. We try to let those thoughts go in one ear and out the other as we have discussed things thoroughly and we believe in our hearts that this is the right decision.

    Also as far as numbers go, we will only be transferring one. I know this limits our chances, but with my CF it is safer to have a singleton pregnancy so that's what the plan is. I don't want to take the risk of multiples if I can avoid it.

    Thank you for your kind words. We truly have made it to the biggest day of our lives so far. I feel so nervous and excited - it's crazy! :)


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