The Reason Behind my Quietness

I haven't blogged in quite awhile now because we have had a few scares with this pregnancy.

Basically, I had a pre-term labor scare at 33 weeks which was stopped with lots of medication. I was given steroid shots for baby girl's lungs, and I was hospitalized for a few days due to being diabetic and having an elevated white count. Everything went really well although my sugars are still a bit crazy.

After that I was on a strict bed rest, and then I had a scare of pre-eclampsia. I was hospitalized (again) this past weekend for high blood pressure and labs were drawn. We also did a 24 hour urine collection which came back just fine (thank goodness). The labs however showed that my kidneys are having a hard time with this pregnancy. Both kidney function levels they took are elevated, and they seriously debated about inducing me over this past weekend because of this.

Since the kidney levels stayed stable (after 4 consistent blood draws), they decided to send me home, but they also have decided not to let me carry on past 37 weeks. So, I have a scheduled induction for May 23 which is just two weeks away now.

It's truly hard to believe we are so close to meeting our little girl. I am getting so anxious and excited. I can't wait to analyze every part of her and just cuddle her and not let her go!

Most recent photo. This was 34 weeks. I don't look any bigger this week since I lost 4 pounds from being in the hospital.

"Welcome to Type 1 Diabetes!" and Other Pregnancy Updates

"Welcome to Type 1 Diabetes!"

This is the sentence my endocrinologist told me today when I went in for my check-up. Up until now, my sugars have really made sense for the most part, but not anymore! Now my sugars will spike up after a meal and then plummet over a matter of 60 minutes or so. For example, yesterday afternoon I ate and took my normal amount of insulin only to find myself at 200 two hours after my meal (not the number you want to see), and then an hour later I was 60 with no signs of low blood sugar.

Apparently, this is what being a type 1 diabetic is like. Let me say, I'm glad I'm not a type 1 diabetic. I am SO frustrated with these sugars because I have no idea where they will be at any given time, and I'm not symptomatic when I'm low anymore. 

So we increased my bolus rate yet again, and I see her in two weeks to make sure that my sugars are still doing okay. She said overall I'm doing "phenomenally" which made me feel good, but I still hate seeing these high numbers!

31 weeks and starting to feel like my belly is starting to grow again

In other news, I'm 31 weeks tomorrow which means only 7 weeks remain until I meet my little girl. Where on EARTH did time go? I've been fighting the overwhelming fatigue of third trimester + cystic fibrosis. Most days all I want to do is sleep, and I usually indulge myself in this (I still do treatments, eat, and try to walk a bit). Surprisingly, I felt great yesterday (which also happened to be my husband's birthday) so I went to the store, did some cleaning, and made dinner.

Well that was a mistake.

I think I took all that awesome energy for granted because I started having Braxton Hicks every five minutes for about an hour before they finally went to every 10 minutes after drinking plenty of water and keeping my feet up. I had my doctor appointment today, and I noticed that if I'm on my feet (even today) more than ten minutes at a time then the contractions start coming back. Makes me a bit nervous, but I've got my high-risk OB appointment tomorrow so I will be sure to ask him about it.

I also have CF clinic tomorrow, and quite honestly I'm not expecting much as far as my lung function goes. I'm struggling now, but not in a "chest infection" way..just because baby is getting bigger and bigger.

So with all of that, I guess tomorrow is a big day which will help me (hopefully) feel better about these contractions. I'll be sure to update soon. 

30 weeks

30 weeks, and I feel pretty tiny actually. I think I expected to be bigger at this point.

Dear baby girl,

There was a part of me that really didn't think I'd make it to the third trimester. I had faith, but I worried that something would go wrong because my body has failed me in so many other regards throughout my life. After talking with other women who have gone through infertility, this seems to be a pretty common feeling and worry. Now, that part of me is hoping all goes well with delivery.

It is so hard to believe that in eight short weeks you will be here, and I will be holding you in my arms and kissing your tiny face and hands. It's so surreal that I can hardly find words to describe it. You move so much inside of me every day, but I still have a hard time imagining you as a newborn that I can hold in my arms.

I have been so very blessed to carry you, and I love you  more than I could have ever imagined already. You are my miracle baby girl, and it seems that the entire world is so excited to meet you and hold you.

As I get closer to my due date, I've realized there are a few things I never want to forget about this experience (well really I never want to forget any of it because it's been such a blessing) and about your personality in the womb.

- You LOVE to stretch. You are a kicker and mover, but you are even more of a stretcher. You love to push your back out on my right side and then stick your feet out on my far left. It's such a funny feeling! Now, your daddy and I were joking that you are trying to escape through my bellybutton because you push so hard and for so long at a time that it seems you want out.

- You get a lot of hiccups. You get hiccups all the time. I feel them almost every day (sometimes when I'm really busy I don't notice them), and it seems like they bother you which makes me feel so sad for you. Once you start in with the hiccups, you start kicking and moving around so much for a few minutes. It seems like you almost realize they aren't going away and give up fighting them after a little bit. Each time they happen, I try to rub your back and tell you it will be okay. I feel so bad for you.

- You don't startle. There are a LOT of loud noises in this house. Goodness, my coughing alone is enough to wake a city block, but you don't seem to mind. You may have been startled by a noise two or three times total this whole pregnancy, but otherwise you are perfectly content.

- You seem so easygoing. Obviously this is silly to say already, but you just feel like overall you are so content in my tummy (other than those darn hiccups). I can't possibly explain this feeling to anyone, but I just think you are a happy baby already.

- You don't like contractions or ultrasounds. I've been getting so many Braxton Hicks recently, and I notice that each time I have one you stop moving until it's over. You seem to just wait it out, but it certainly stops you from what you were doing. The same thing happens with ultrasound. You could be moving all over the place, but once they put your picture up on the screen you are as quiet as can be. I'm curious to see how you'll do with the NSTs over the next 8 weeks.

I truly feel like I'm getting to know you so much already, and I'm getting more and more excited and anxious for your birthday. I have a hard time believing it will happen because I have waited so long for this day, and I couldn't be happier to be blessed with you.

Loving My Body

It probably won't come as much of a surprise to fellow CFers when I say that I have always struggled with body image. Since I was little, I remained either too tiny (something I relished in high school) or had the typical "CF belly" that made me look slightly pregnant even as I struggled to achieve that goal. Add to that, the two giant scars that cover my stomach from life-saving surgeries at birth, and I typically felt insecure. I never had that "perfect" body.

Until now.

As any woman who has had the privilege of carrying a child will probably tell you, there is something beautiful and perfect about pregnancy. Even when acne or dry skin is splotched everywhere, your veins are more prominent than you could have imagined, or your belly button pokes out and refuses to go back in, pregnancy is incredible.

For the first time in my life, my body is strikingly beautiful. The scars don't matter because each day I look at my belly, and I know that my body is sustaining a new life. My sweet child is growing at such a quick pace inside of me which in turn leads me to feel the most gorgeous I have ever felt.

I can't find the words to express how special or amazing pregnancy is to me. It's something that I dreamed about since I was a child, and in recent years it was a goal I really wasn't sure was attainable. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep thinking that my body may never achieve nature's purpose to carry a child. Because of this, I have spent every day of my pregnancy marveling over each new feeling, growth spurt, pound  gained, or any other change. I stop by the mirror at least a dozen times just to look at my belly and to talk to my baby.

I have always loved my life to the point where I truly see each day as a blessing to be enjoyed and lived to its fullest, but now I feel a divine purpose. A purpose to carry this beautiful baby and be his or her mother.

I've never felt more complete. Ever.

Merry Christmas everyone!

I am wishing everyone a wonderful, happy, and healthy Christmas!! I have been blessed beyond belief this year!

Although my hair is in the way, this one shows my bump off really well. :)