The Stress of the 2ww

The stress of the two week wait has officially gotten to me. I was doing pretty well until yesterday when I began spotting. The spotting stopped yesterday evening, but then started up again today.

Well, today was my first official breakdown. I just started bawling, and I got that overwhelming feeling that I was sure this cycle didn't work. I've lost all pregnancy symptoms..no cramping, no tender breasts, no nausea, nothing. Also, the spotting makes me think my period is starting as well.

After that, I went into an even darker place where I became sure that IVF would never work for us and we were destined to be childless. Dramatic much?

I just have so many emotions and so much desire put into this IVF process, and I'm so terrified of getting my heart broken if it's negative. We'll find out soon...but the wait is definitely the hardest part of the entire process! 

To Test or Not to Test?

Ahh, the dreaded decision for many women going through infertility treatments (or just women who are trying to conceive).

Do I test early or do I wait for my first beta draw?

I'm truly not sure what I want to do at this point. It's far too early to test yet, but I'm not sure if I want to start at 6 days past transfer or not.  There's the risk that I could get a positive, but it's a chemical pregnancy which  would be so hard to take. There's also a chance that it will be negative, but I could still get a positive beta.

It's almost like taking the test (even if it's positive) won't allow me to stop worrying anyway. Plus, I don't want that disappointment of seeing a BFN yet again.  Part of me worries that even with IVF we are not meant to get pregnant, so testing will just result in a BFN each time.  This could stem from the fact that all I've seen are negatives so I'm just kind of used to them at this point.

Other than the dilemma of me testing, I've come down with a pretty nasty cold..what wonderful timing! Sore throat, congested chest, and sneezing like crazy. That means I've been taking it really easy and hydrating as much as possible.

I've been trying not to "symptom watch," but it's a very difficult thing to avoid. I know that at this point there wouldn't be any symptoms anyway, but when I got a wave of nausea this morning prior to eating breakfast, I thought "hmmm....maybe..just maybe!" More than likely, it's NOTHING except my mind getting itself all excited!