Thursday, October 6, 2011

Update on our efforts TTC

It’s been a crazy last month, honestly.  I spent a good amount of time learning how to chart my cycles which, although not necessarily difficult, takes a different amount of dedication than I’m used to.  I spent the first moments of each morning with a thermometer in my mouth, jotting down the little number on to my nice, printed out chart. I also made sure to check my cm (or lack thereof) everyday.  We did everything right for the past month, but obviously still turned up a negative HPT. 

Obviously, many women have this happen to them.  I know I shouldn’t take it personally or think that there is necessarily something wrong just because we didn’t manage to get pregnant for a second month in a row.  It’s just discouraging.  It feels terrible when you/your husband are a perfectionist, and you make every effort to do everything right, only to wind up having your best efforts not work. 

As you can see, at the end of last month I was slightly disappointed.  We would have loved getting our positive last month, because it would have worked perfectly with David’s school district.  He would have been out of school right as the due date approached, and we could have spent the whole first 3 months together.  It wasn’t mean to be this past month, and I sincerely trust God with all of this, but it was still discouraging.

Then, at the start of this month, I found myself questioning our decision to TTC following Nicole’s journey and story.  I sometimes find myself second-guessing the whole idea.  I worry that I won’t be healthy enough to carry a baby or that something will go wrong.  I do, however, think most expectant mothers think these thoughts too and having CF only adds to this fear.  This doubt caused me to forget charting for the first week or so.  Then suddenly, a few days ago, I woke up feeling really positive about the idea.  I realized that if it’s meant to be it will happen, and there’s no use dwelling on the negative possibilities. I can acknowledge them, but I refuse to dwell on them. 

So, about a week into my cycle, I’ve picked up charting again.  Except now, I’m on Levaquin and my doctor has asked me to abstain from TTC.  Of course, next week I should be ovulating so that may very well mean that this month is a wash and we will have to start trying again next month.  It’s crazy the mindset you get into once you make the decision to start a family.  It just can’t happen soon enough.  I’ve even caught my husband saying things like, “They make it sound/look so easy.”  I know he’s getting discouraged and ready for it to happen as well. 

So, there it is. The update, or lack thereof, on our TTC journey.  Had we not received a positive this month, I was supposed to meet with my OB/GYN to discuss further treatments, but that meeting may now be pushed off until December.  So, in the meantime, we’ll continue to try (once the Levaquin gets out of my system), and I will continue to make myself as healthy as possible. 

To all my other cysters TTC: I hope you’re able to stay positive with all the news in the CF community.  It’s been a hard past month and I think we’re all ready for a new season and a new month.


  1. It can definitely be tough! Remind me how long you guys have been trying? My best advice (after 2 1/2 years of being crazy for a baby, and about 8 months of TTC) is two things. First - work on making it so that your intimate life with your husband is not just about babymaking. SO many couples get really discouraged and sex just becomes a "chore" to get that baby here, and when it's not working, it gets really overwhelming and places a lot of strain on your marriage. Second - find things to occupy your mind and your time that aren't baby-related... and, hard as it may be, try to stay away from dwelling too much on baby-related stuff or ideas! That was SO hard for me to do at first, but in the past few months I've really changed my attitude about TTC and it has helped a ton.

    Good luck to you guys - it can be a really frustrating and heartbreaking journey!

  2. And if it makes you feel better, I haven't ovulated since early July ;)

  3. Thank you so much for the advice Cindy. We have only been TTC for 3-4 months (only 2 cycles though). After 3 cycles, my OB/GYN wanted to see me due to my CF.

    I have been trying not to focus on baby stuff, which is easier said than done when all your friends are getting pregnant/having babies (I know you know this one all too well). I'm doing ok this month so far, but last month was hard. I'm also trying not to focus on "babymaking" at all and just letting it be natural..but I think deep-down we're both still focusing on it..even when we try not to.

    I'm so sorry you haven't ovulated since July! UGH!! How frustrating!!! Have you thought about talking to an OB/GYN or are you just letting it happen if it's supposed to happen?

  4. Megan, yeah, it's only been 4 or 5 cycles for us, LOL. And yes, I SO get the part about all your friends having babies! Most of mine are on #2. It's heartbreaking.

    Yeah, I've gotten some testing done already. Mostly I've just been really busy and haven't had a chance to get back to the doctor. The other problem is just that my health has been in the toilet this summer and so I just haven't been sure how far I felt comfortable taking it, you know? I definitely plan on getting some interventions, I just am not sure if now is the moment to pursue it or if it would be wiser to wait a few months. Right now I'm on a course of prednisone though, so we have to use protection anyway, so I figure that if I'm not ovulating that's just extra birth control anyway! ;)

  5. If all else fails, my uterus is still on the table for you guys' use lol <3


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