This tree was part of my inspiration for this blog. I was enamored by it's beauty on my walk this afternoon and have thought about how I have been passing small little treasures like this since my obsession has started.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Enjoying the little things
Deciding my husband and I were ready to start a family was easily the hardest, biggest, and most exciting decision we have ever made. It was a decision that took quite a long time to happen, and I am proud to say that we have considered almost every facet that goes into such a life-changing decision. Even now, while actively TTC, we wonder if we’ll be able to handle it and we pray a lot for guidance in this process. Still, we (me more so than my hubby) find it impossible to contain our excitement about our recent choice.
All this excitement has led to me obsessing over a baby and pregnancy. I see baby clothes in the store and I’m reminding myself that I’m not pregnant yet so it’s not feasible to be buying clothes at this point. I have, however, pretty much picked out the crib, highchair, rocking chair, swing, and changing table I want already. I also spend time noticing which toys my niece and nephew play with and which ones aren’t as “cool” to them. I look at baby books and get a fluttering in my stomach as I imagine reading to our little one from day one. Passing by the (future nursery) spare bedroom, I imagine Winnie the Pooh scattered throughout the room while the furniture and simple lighting create a perfect ambiance. I have spent hours coming up with future activities my child and I can do while daddy is at work. I know to most people this all sounds crazy. Even I can admit it’s a little too obsessive, but it’s so hard to let it go of this excitement and possibility that awaits me every month.
Reading the above paragraph, it probably won’t come as a surprise that I have wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember. As a five-year-old, I would tell you I wanted to be a mommy and a teacher; That goal still has not changed. I’ve dreamed about it for years. I’ve dreamed about what my baby will look like, talk like, and smell like. I’ve dreamed about his/her personality and the little things that irritate me and melt my heart. I’ve fantasized about what my child will be when he or she grows up: a teacher, a firefighter, a doctor, the one who cures CF…oh the dreams I’ve dreamed for my unborn baby.
However, with this much desire and excitement about our decision to try for a family, I think I’ve forgotten to take time to relax. I realized just this evening that I desire a pregnancy so much and focus on it so deeply, that I’m forgetting to enjoy the “now.” My sweet husband and I were eating dinner on the floor of our living room, watching a movie, and enjoying the peace and quiet tonight. I realize that these moments will be entirely limited once we have a baby, and sadly I'm taking them for granted right now.
This got me thinking: what else am I taking for granted? Here’s just a few things: ALONE time together as a couple, my personal time alone, walks with just me and the dog, watching all adult-themed television, leaving to go somewhere spur of the moment, just eating whatever for dinner some nights, cuddle time with no distractions, my time to silently read a book, my excursions to the library, my simple time with family and friends, not worrying about anyone but me and the hubby, being able to sleep as much as I need when I’m sick, not saying “no” every minute (J), sleeping in on weekends, and the list could go on.
Please don’t get me wrong, I will trade all of the abundant time I have for the above activities in order to have a family. I’m just saying, I’m focusing so much on getting pregnant, that I’m not taking time to enjoy the simplicity of our life right now, and I think that’s terrible. So I’m vowing to spend more time enjoying these little things while we still have time for them, regardless of how frustrating or chaotic our conception journey will be. I really need to learn to check some of this baby obsession at the front door.