Today has been an emotional rollercoaster for me, and I’m not 100% sure why. I just know that I’m finding myself quite sad this evening. I have a couple theories as to why:
1) I’ve been praying for a large number of people later. Normally prayer does not make me said, and it’s not the actual act of praying that has made me said, but the reason I’ve had to say the prayers. It seems like there are so many people that are sick, struggling, in danger, or having troubles and are in need of prayer right now. It just seems like an overwhelming amount compared to my usual prayer list. This in turn makes me feel sad and guilty. It’s very hard for me to know people are having troubles and there is nothing I can personally do, except for praying for them.
2) The weather today was dreary and cold. There was not a single ray of sunshine that touched my skin today and the chill in the air had me in a jacket and gloves this morning. Normally, I enjoy the cold and the greyness of the air doesn’t bother me, but today it just seemed sad outside. I felt like the weight of the world resided in the sky today and like I would never see sunshine again.
3) My mother and I went baby shopping today for family and a family friend who are both due at the end of the year. Again, this normally doesn’t bother me and I actually had fun while I was partaking in the shopping, but at the same time, it’s just another reminder that we are not pregnant yet.
4) My hormones are all over the place. I’m angry, sad, happy, in tears, and laughing within a 5 minute span of time. I don’t know what’s going on with them. I’m also exhausted from this illness still and I’m concerned about the severe pain in my left breast. It’s a pain I’ve never felt before and it hasn’t let up in 24 hours now. I’m hoping it’s just a really bad case of PMS, but if it’s not gone by early next week I think I’m going to make an appointment to get it checked out.
So, I’m guessing that my sadness is tied to a combination of all the above factors. I’m hoping that some extra sleep and a nice big breakfast tomorrow will help me get back out of this funk. I honestly hate feeling sad and I hate relishing in self-pity which I find myself doing a lot tonight.