Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Ultrasound Update

Earlier, I posted a really short blog about the following information. Now, having time to reflect upon it and relax, I have edited the post (the information is the same, just written better now). 

Early this morning, I received a call from U of C regarding my ultrasound results.  The nurse, Karen, stated that there was nothing that required immediate attention, but there were some serious concerns about what the films showed.  She said that my high-risk OB felt the best course of action was to be set up with a reproductive endocrinologist (RE for short) who would help with infertility.

Immediately, upon hearing the word infertility, my heart sank.  I have always in the back of my mind thought we would need help getting pregnant. I have worried about it since I was a child due to my CF and very painful/irregular periods.  Hearing your fears confirmed, however, is a whole other feeling.  I was heartbroken.  I sat sobbing on the couch after getting off the phone with her, trying to compose myself.

The only thing I could figure out to do was to write.  That’s why this blog was so all over the place earlier.  I needed to get it out of my system and I wanted to share it with all of you, who were wondering about the results.  The writing helped ease my sadness and fears, and helped me realize that I needed to start a plan of action. 

Karen (my high-risk OB’s nurse) had set up the first available appointment with the RE.  She had wanted to get me in TODAY, but unfortunately he was 100% booked and could not see me until he returned from his 2 and ½ week trip out of the country.  She set up the appointment for Nov. 21 and told me to call the office to set up insurance and get directions.

I called the office and am already very impressed with the kindness of the staff.  The receptionist was amazingly comforting while explaining how everything would work.  She gave me the directions, including the fact that the office offers free parking – amazing when you consider it’s in DOWNTOWN Chicago.  The office is still through U of C, but it is their downtown campus – looks like we’ll be doing some Christmas shopping after the appointment!   She also gave me the link for all of the paperwork (all 10 pages of it, no exaggeration) that needs to be filled out prior to my arrival. 

From there, I called the insurance company.  Again, I was so grateful for their compassion and help with this situation.  They explained my benefits fully (what would/wouldn’t be covered).  They made sure I understood the insurance jargon, and they reassured me that they would be there if I needed help understanding any paperwork further down the line.  I will say, we are VERY blessed by our insurance coverage.  Almost everything will be covered. We will have to pay for part of it, but not the whole thing. Thank goodness.

After getting off the phone with the insurance company, the RE’s office called back and said they had a cancellation for next Monday!!! I am so grateful that I won’t have to wait 3 weeks to see the doctor. We can see him, figure out exactly what the ultrasound showed, and set up further testing.  I read the website and it said after the initial consultation, it will be 4-6 weeks worth of testing before they set up a plan. 

So how am I going to handle this? That’s the next question.  The answer: I’m making it a positive experience.  Yes, I had always wanted to have a baby naturally, without medical help, but that’s just not going to be possible.  I confided in one of my good friends earlier, and she said something very accurate: It will still be our baby – whether it happens naturally, from a petri dish, or I find one in the  driveway.  It will still be our child and we will love him/her the same.  And really, that’s the goal, isn’t it? A happy, healthy baby, regardless of the method it took to get there. 

I’m also deciding that this will be a way for me to form a closer relationship to God and to form a closer bond with my husband.  We will have to be there for each other like never before through this process.  It will strengthen our love and our marriage. 

If you've gotten this far and are still reading this - I'm impressed! I'm sorry it's so long, just a lot to share.  When I started this blog, I decided I would share everything with my readers.  That hasn’t changed.  There are a vast number of women who go through infertility, and there are many cysters who go through it as well.  There’s not enough information out there, and I will share my experience, my thoughts, my worries, and my accomplishments with you all.  I can guarantee that there will be times when what I share is emotional and poorly-written, but it will all be part of this journey.  If it can provide one OUNCE of comfort for someone else, then it’s all worth it to me. 

Also, keeping with what I said last night, I feel like I need to add what I'm thankful for today.  I'm thankful that I have access to tremendous doctors and medical support staff. I know many people are not nearly as fortunate as I am. I'm truly blessed.  I am thankful for the insurance we have, and for how much they are willing to cover during this process.  Also, I am very fortunate for my support system; my husband, mother, sisters, friends, and my CF community. I honestly don’t know how I would be handling this without that system.  Wow, am I blessed!!


  1. Megan I am so sorry that you got that news. I know that God has a plan for each of us, and that you and David will get through this. Who knows, maybe you may not have to go all the way to invitro, just take fertility drugs until you conceive. I have a cousin who did just that. Right now Ryan and I are kind of struggling with the very real possibility that it may not be a safe thing for me to even have children, and that we will have to adopt. Even though its heartbreaking to me that I may not be able to give Ryan a child of his own, I'm hoping that we will be as lucky as I know you and David will be.

  2. I'm sorry to hear about that, but I'm very glad to hear that you're trying to put a positive spin on it - that's a great attitude to have. Also, it's great that you're able to get in a lot sooner than you thought because I know how hard it is to wait to see a doctor about stuff like this. I look forward to reading about everything that you learn. I'm always here to chat if you're feeling down. :)

  3. As the other comments have said, I'm very impressed with your positivity! I also think it's great that you are willing to share everything here. I personally know several women (both with CF and without) who are struggling with infertility and feel VERY alone in the process. Like you said, if sharing your story can help even one person (even if that person is YOU) feel less alone, then you will have done a WONDERFUL thing!

    I was able to have my daughter naturally (after about three years of "trying"), but my sister was never able to conceive. She now has two beautiful children (through adoption) and we often compare our "birth" stories. Though they were very different experiences - pregnancy, doctors and hospitals vs. social workers, birth parents, etc. - they were both beautiful experiences and have helped shape us into the mothers we are now. She loves her babies JUST AS MUCH as I love mine, and they are most definitely HER kids.

    That's not to say that you can't be sad about the loss of your dream of having a child naturally. You should be able to grieve that - it is a very significant loss. Just know that when the time finally comes and you have that baby in your arms, it won't matter how it got there. :)

    Oh, and one more thing (sorry, I didn't intend for this to be a novel) -- I'm a firm believer that momma's who have to wait for their babies are often better mothers because of it. All the waiting, worring, wishing, crying and praying makes the moment you look into your baby's eyes THAT MUCH sweeter.

    Sending love,

  4. Ladies, you are all truly wonderful. I can't begin to tell you how much your words of comfort and encouragement mean to me.

    Anna - I am so sorry to hear about you and Ryan. I can't imagine how hard it must be to come to that realization. I hope you can get in and see a doctor and he/she can put a positive perspective on it. I love you so much!!

    Colleen - You are wonderful. I appreciate the invitation to chat and will probably take you up on it here and there. I'm also glad I'm getting in quickly to see the doctor. I can't believe it will be this coming Monday - it will be good to get the results and decide where we need to go from here. I will definitely be posting it all and I'm sure we'll talk about it as well. Thank you for being such a good friend!

    Jenny - No apologies needed as this was beautiful and comforting to read. I am so glad that you and your sister both have your families, even if it was done very differently. I was encouraged to hear that!! Also, thank you for the note about grieving. I'm sure I will be doing a decent amount of it over the next few weeks. I thought I was done crying today, but when my husband and I talked about it, the tears came out again. I think it's going to be a slow process of healing and ultimate acceptance. Also, I LOVE what you said about momma's who have to wait for their babies. I think you're right...I can't wait to shower my child with the love I'm building up inside right now. It will be wonderful. I'm sorry to hear that you know so many women going through this right now. I can imagine why they would feel very alone. Hopefully, blogging will help me to feel less alone and more understood. We shall see :)

    Again ladies, you are wonderful and I am SO VERY appreciative of your kind words!! I'm sending you all my love and good thoughts :)

  5. I totally second everything everyone has said! I especially agree with Jenny about the grieving process. I firmly believe that, like many hard things in life (the ramifications of living with CF being one of them!), you can't just "get over" this in an instant. It is a cycle... sometimes it will be easier and sometimes it will be harder. I think the important thing is just to trust God and allow Him to give you the grace that you need to get through ALL the parts of that cycle.

    I also agree that no matter how your children come to you, they are YOUR children!

    You - and all our fellow cysters in this situation - are in my prayers!


Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please check back as I sincerely try to write back on any comments given.