Thursday, November 3, 2011

Paperwork and a Rollercoaster

Today has been filled with paperwork.  If I was ever shy about sharing any part of my medical history, I'm certainly not anymore.  Today I answered about every medical question I could ever imagine.  10 pages of family history and personal history questions takes forever to get through, but I finally finished..well I finished MY section of the paperwork.  When David gets home, we'll work on his section.

We have not wanted to share this fertility journey with family/friends because it is personal to us, and it is hard to explain that we've failed to do something naturally that most people can do.  My mother, sisters, and a few VERY VERY close friends know, but other than that - no one knows.  Unfortunately, I had to lie to my mother-in-law today...I feel TERRIBLE about it. My husband doesn't know his family history (to be honest, I needed my mother's help for a lot of my family history).  Because of this, I needed to ask my mother-in-law for his side of the family's history. I told her that we had to see a geneticist because we eventually want to have children, and it required us to fill out a bunch of paperwork on his family history. I feel MISERABLE lying to her, but I didn't know what else to say.

Other than that, the day has been a little emotional. I find myself sad one minute and fine the next. I tell myself I could handle not having kids if I had to, and then I know I'm lying to myself.  I feel like I'm going to cry at any given second, but then I find myself laughing instead.  It's definitely going to be a rollercoaster of emotions for the next few days, weeks, months, years...who knows how long.

Telling my husband was hard.  VERY hard.  I told him I was ok with it, and then suddenly started crying. I think I sobbed for an hour straight last night, until I finally couldn't cry anymore.  We realized we are going to have some tough decisions to make, and some tough days ahead of us.  I'm glad that I have him by my side for this journey, that's for sure.

We came to the conclusion, when I could finally talk again after crying, that 2011 has been an exhausting and difficult year for us.  We have had a lot thrown at us, and we are having trouble in two major parts of our life: job and family.  We are stressed, tired, and sometimes defeated, but our love for each other keeps getting stronger.  We will both be VERY happy to ring in 2012 in a few months! :) 


  1. I love the new year because it is always so nice to be able to just take a deep breath and have a new start! We haven't told many people about our journey either - for the reasons you mention. I don't want people asking us if we're pregnant all the time when it's such a tender issue! That's why I don't blog openly about infertility stuff... too many people read my blog!

    Praying for you, as always. I think sometimes you just have to ride the roller-coaster for a little while!


Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please check back as I sincerely try to write back on any comments given.