Tuesday, November 15, 2011

One Step Forward . . . Two Steps Back

Sometimes, when you really want something, it seems like progress almost moves backward before you start to see any results.

After posting yesterday I got the news from my doctor that as far as my lungs are concerned, there is no reason not to go through with IVF.  I was and still am elated and overjoyed about this factor.  She said that there are risks with IVF, but it shouldn't be any more prevalent just because of my cystic fibrosis.  Fantastic news!! 

Then she dropped the other shoe.  

The last time I was up at clinic my liver enzymes were much higher than normal.  I run somewhat high liver enzymes always due to the CF, but these were about 2 times as high as normal amounts.  She said that some IVF drugs are rough on the liver and therefore I need to see a liver specialist prior to doing my IVF treatments.  Surprisingly, I was ok with this information when she gave it to me.  I took down the specialists number and realized that this was just another step in the process.  

After hanging up with my doctor, I immediately called the scheduling department for the liver specialist.  Scheduling informed me that the earliest appointment is the last week of January/first week of February 2012.  This part...I'm NOT ok with.  

There's no real reason this should bother me as I realize that seeing specialty doctors often comes with a long wait, but when I was told my first cycle of IVF would be in January/February I was excited, and now I'm being told we have to wait even longer.  Yes, I know it's only another couple of months.  Yes, I realize that the ultimate goal is for me to be healthy to carry a baby. Yes, I realize that God has a right course for me and that it will work out the way it's supposed to.  No, I'm still not ok.

Ultimately, this is just a bump in the road, but once my husband and I made the decision to start a family every  month without a positive pregnancy test has been torture.  I'm so ready to be a mommy and being told that your dream has been delayed even more is hard to hear sometimes.  I'm also worried about the liver enzyme numbers.  I'm seriously hoping that nothing is wrong with my liver outside of normal CF inflammation and such, and I have to wait til next YEAR to find out. 

Until then, I'll just cross my fingers that all is well.  Is 2012 here yet? Please?

With that said, I think it's appropriate to be thankful for fresh starts.  I love the new year because it always seems like a new beginning and that anything is possible. There is no logical reasoning why problems should stop at the end of one calendar year, but sometimes it certainly seems to work out that way.  I love being able to make resolutions (and usually break them), and I love reflecting on the past year and creating a plan to make the upcoming year even better.  It seems like a second chance and it happens every twelve months!  I can't wait for New Years Eve this year!!


  1. Oh man - I know just what you mean! We had a ton of delays in starting the first part of our TTC journey. Originally we had hoped to go off birth control and start TTC around our 2nd anniversary (August of 2010), but for a laundry list of reasons, that didn't end up happening in fullness until March 2011! I felt silly for being SO frustrated, because we'd already waited so long, but in some ways it seems harder to wait once the "finish line" is in view, if you know what I mean!

    And I love the new year too! I'm excited for 2012, though not as desperate for the end of 2011 as I was earlier this year. The last quarter of the year has been a good one for me. Still, I ALWAYS love the chance for a "fresh start" - I'm with you, I realize it may be illogical, but there is something that feels magical about the new year!

  2. Oh bummer, this stinks! Have you tried going the route with having your doctor make a direct referral for you at the liver specialist and maybe that would help you get an earlier appt? At my hospital, my doctor has to make a referral otherwise it is a 2-3 month wait. Just a suggestion.....hope it helps!

  3. I am so sorry you are dealing with another setback! I have a feeling 2012 is going to be your year! Best of luck and hugs.

  4. Thank you ladies for your comments. I appreciate them.
    Cindy - I know exactly what you mean. I think you're right..I had a goal in view and now it's changed which makes it harder.

    JWags - Great idea! I should give her a call and see about that. Thank you for the idea.

    Inhaling Hope - I really hope so :) Overall, it hasn't been a TERRIBLE year, so I really should just be thankful for what I have :)


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