Egg Retrieval Day is Here!!

Being a CFer, I should really be used to surgeries and procedures by now.

I'm not.

They still scare me, and I don't do well with the anticipation.

Take last night for example: 4 AM and I was up with a massive panic attack. Then, I started coughing and felt like I couldn't stop. Normally, when a coughing fit ensues, I drink water but since I was required to be water and food free past midnight, that was out of the question.  So I coughed..and coughed, and coughed. Then, I was positive I couldn't breathe which set off my panic even more. I finally managed to get to bed by 5:30, and now it's 7:40 and I'm almost out the door for my "big day."

So what scares me about surgery? There's a couple things, but the major one is anesthesia.  I'm always afraid that I'm not going to wake back up. I worry that they won't be able to reverse the anesthesia meds if they need to. I know it's silly, but it's always a fear when I get put under. I hate the idea of not being able to fall asleep on my own with it too.  The fact that they control when you sleep and when you sleep terrifies me.

My name is Megan, and yes I have some control issues...

The other thing that always scares me is complications. This surgery is a very "easy" surgery by definition. I just worry that with all my scar tissue from my previous surgeries the doctor will have trouble getting where he needs to be, or he will hit something that shouldn't be where it is due to adhesions pushing it there.

Ok, well that's it..the list of my fears this morning as I head off to this procedure. I will update whenever I'm awake enough from the sedation to do so...be prepared it usually takes HOURS for me to stop falling asleep from anesthesia! 

The Day Before Egg Retrieval...

Bear with me if I manage two posts in one day yet again since writing helps me to deal with my nerves.

So tomorrow, by this time, I should be just about ready to go home after having my egg retrieval done. I should know how many eggs were collected, and hopefully I won't be feeling TOO terrible.

I've read the horror stories (shame on me..I should truly stay away from Dr. Google), and I hope that these stories come from women who have no pain tolerance. Someone I really respect had IVF done, and she stated that the retrieval wasn't too bad, but I should plan on staying in bed at least the first day. I totally plan on doing just that. I will stay in bed, and I will NOT use my vest tomorrow. I know it sounds terrible, but over the last 5 days I've had to cut back on my use of the vest and increase my accapella use to ensure I can clear my chest. The vest, on anything except the lowest setting, causes INTENSE pain in my ovaries for hours afterwards and increases nausea (as I found out this morning). So, I will be huff coughing and using the accapella like crazy over the next day or two until I feel less swollen and sore.

Overall, I have to admit that even the day before egg retrieval, I feel pretty good pain-wise. I had more pain in the beginning of the stimulating process than I do now, and I feel like the majority of that pain was related to constipation. Now, I feel a little full but overall I feel like I could go shopping for a few hours, and I'd be ok. Like I said, the only time I feel pain is with my vest.

As for the trigger shot, it went well. I watched the clock CAREFULLY, and I gave myself the shot at 11:01 after a bit of hesitation. I didn't feel anything after the shot, and I slept the best I've slept in weeks knowing that I wouldn't have to get up to give myself any injections today (WooHoo)! Today, however, I'm feeling the effects.Wow. Holy..Nausea...Batman.

I figure this is because the amount of hcg in my body went from non-existent to SUPER high. The vest made it worse this morning, but now I'm just trying to take it easy, and I think I'll be drinking a lot of water and eating easy foods today. I also have a pretty rough headache which could be contributing to the nausea. Otherwise..it's been pretty good! Now..on to tomorrow's surgery! Ahh!

P.S. My big fear today is that I will ovulate before egg retrieval..thus making this whole cycle pointless. I'm feeling super flushed and my temp is up which worries me that I did, indeed, ovulate. I sure hope not!

In One Hour. . .

In just about one hour, I will be giving myself my trigger shot to induce ovulation!! Holy COW!

Looking back at everything, I am amazed at how we got to this point. I am truly impressed by our dedication to the process, and I am overwhelmed by the love I feel for these eggs that aren't even embryos yet (yes, I know it sounds odd). 

It's been a little bit of a rough road, and I'm truly glad to be done with all of the injections (minus my last one tonight..AHH)! I was thinking back to the beginning of this and doing some calculations in my head, and here's what I've come up with (These numbers do not include trigger shot or anything beyond tonight):

Total Injections: 45 between the lupron and the stimulating meds.

Total Ultrasounds: 7

Total Blood Draws: 8

Approximate miles spent driving back and forth: 880 

Total spent on drugs and other costs (excluding fuel) so far: 2000

Total amount of time spent googling about E2 levels, OHSS, and all other random worries: WAY too much

How much I want this to work: Indescribable 

It's crazy looking at all this and seeing what has gone into it. I just can not wait for Wednesday so that we know how many eggs are retrieved and then how many grow the way we would like them to.

Going into the retrieval my stats are: Estrogen level is 2200 (slight concern over OHSS due to how rapidly my estrogen rose), lining is 11mm (nice and thick!), and mature follicles number at 11 prior to trigger shot.

As for the OHSS, my estrogen tripled in two days so they are slightly concerned. I also am at risk due to being young and thin. I pray that I don't get it for many reasons (especially CF reasons), and I pray that we are able to do a day 5 transfer on Monday, July 30!! 

Yes, 2 Posts in One Day!

I wanted to update everyone to let you all know that FedEx did come (I know you were on pins and needles waiting to hear the news ;) ).  I ended up getting my full dose of Follistim in, and I will take my Menopur in just a few minutes! I'm excited for my ultrasound tomorrow to see where my follicles are at. It feels weird not feeling pain anymore so I surely hope they are still growing!

We've been busy cleaning all day today. My dear husband has been working his behind off over the last few weeks to get our spare bedroom organized and cleaned out. I should explain that we have two spare bedrooms, but one serves as an "attic" since we have NO storage in our house whatsoever, and having a teacher at home means needing storage. So we have managed to throw away over ten bags of garbage(!), and we have organized the attic to the point where if we found out we were pregnant three weeks from now, we'd be all set to convert our current spare bedroom to a nursery. Ahh! It feels incredible just typing that out!!

Other than that, I've been catching up on laundry and dishes that have been building up over my last few days of pain. I am determined to make my own laundry soap in the next month or so because I'm so tired of all the detergent I go through. It's expensive, filled with chemicals, and makes me feel yucky when I breathe it in while doing the laundry.

Also, I'm determined on my next store trip to buy a journal which will allow me to record my thoughts and feelings for my potential future child. I've always wanted to be able to give my children a diary of the feelings I had during pregnancy, the thoughts that kept reoccurring, and the overwhelming love I'm sure I'll feel from early on.  Over the last few days, I've felt that desire to start the journal grow very strong. I figure I might as well start it during the IVF journey as there are so many emotions running through my heart and mind.

Well..off I go to do some more cleaning and anxiously await tomorrow's appointment. 6:45 AM can't come soon enough! :)

Please Hurry FedEx!

The doctors appointment went well! I now have 7 follicles that are above 10mm with one weighing in at 19mm (we will probably lose this one as it will be overmatured by the time we have egg retrieval).  My lining is also thickening up and is now 10mm which is great, and my estrogen level just about tripled to around 630. 

With these results, the doctors decided to up my meds yet again. This wouldn't be a huge problem except that I have NO additional Follistim which is the drug they want to up.  I was on 75 units, then 150, and now 225.  I'm currently waiting on a package from FedEx which was shipped for overnight delivery. The problem is I'm supposed to take these meds at the same time every day, and I normally take them at 10 AM (and it is 9:55 AM currently) Ugh. Please FedEx..hurry!!

Other than that, my dear CF friend really helped me out with some issues over bowels, and after taking some miralax, I FEEL AWESOME. I have NO pain. It feels AWESOME. My ovaries don't even hurt anymore (unless I walk), so I feel amazing. Without the horrendous pain, I'm able to focus on the beauty of what we are going through that much more. I love it!!

I hope everyone is having a great day!

Ovaries are Working!

Well my ovaries are definitely working and growing those follicles because I feel constant twinges and pulls. It's kind of a neat feeling, but it hurts at the same time. Other than that, I feel GOOD. For the first night since starting the stims I feel happy and not concerned about the cycle.

This is due, in part, to the moment I had yesterday...I was lying in bed completely upset and devastated about increasing my meds. I felt my heart rate increasing, and all of the sudden my breathing got extremely shallow, and I realized at that moment that this..worry..this fear..is silly. I have NO control over what happens in this situation, and the only person that does is God. I know that He has a plan that is far greater than any "plan" I may have for myself, and I just have to trust it.

Trust.

That's what I'm working on. I need to trust that whatever happens, good or bad, it's the way things are supposed to happen. My husband has a feeling that this egg retrieval will go through, and our first transfer will work. I have that feeling too, but I'm trying not to get my hopes too high. Then again, I'm trying not to be too pessimistic. Again, trust. Trust allows me to not worry quite as much about whether it will or will not happen..it allows me to see the beauty of the entire process, and it truly is beautiful.

I held my stomach today while lying in bed, and I realized for the first time that one of these little follicles growing inside of me right now could eventually be part of my child. And I was content.

So here's to trusting the rest of the cycle, and to trusting God!