Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Fine Line

My fellow cysters TTC will probably understand this post completely, but for my other readers, without CF, this is a common fear/struggle I think most cysters go through.

The last few weeks I've been doing some serious thinking.  Due to the blood in my sputum (which my CF doctor even thinks may be from my nose), I am worried about getting pregnant.  I worry that I'm on the verge of hitting an unstable period in my lung function (which would NOT be good for a pregnancy), but this could just be a fear that manifests itself because I have CF.  I have been compliant with my treatments, but not as much as I could be with exercise.  Maybe starting that back up full force would make me feel better overall and quell this fear of mine.  I just wish that CF didn't have to play such a critical role in our pregnancy.  There's so much more to consider and worry about.

I also was wondering if I could handle a baby 24/7, especially when I'm feeling miserable.  My dog was really wanting my attention a few days ago, and I was so tired that I pushed her away and fell asleep.  She of course was a good girl and laid down and went to sleep also, but babies aren't that easy.  I think I'm going to be relying a lot on my support system around me after my baby is born.  Thankfully, however, today helped to ease this fear.  I took care of a VERY active 2.5 year old and left with more energy than I've had in weeks.  It amazes me how much a child's energy is transferred to adults! I know it will be hard when I get sick, but it will be my full time job and I will have people around me for support. I probably will also have a daycare on hand in case I'm really sick for a day and no family can help.

So one fear is a little elevated and the other is slightly eased! :)  I don't know why I have been thinking about these so much, but hopefully my heart will be content with both issues soon enough.

Any of my other cysters who worry about these two things?


  1. So, I still owe you a letter, and I have LOTS to say on this subject!!!! So I will write a longer response later over email. But yes, I worry about it all the time. :) I have managed to find peace about it, though... like I said, it really deserves an email, so I will go get writing that. ;)

  2. LOL it ended up being HUGE! Just to warn you. ;)

  3. Yes and yes! My health has been steadily improving for the past year and a little so I knew it was the right time, BUT of course I still worry and it didn't go away when I got pregnant. I give myself mini goals like I just want to get through the 1st trimester really healthy. Now I want to get through the 2nd trimester. Although I really don't have 100% control over my lungs it feels less overwhelming this way.

    As for the baby, I bet you could handle it. I always freak out after a break (working at a school you get a lot of them) thinking how in the world am I going to have enough energy to care for these kids because it seems daunting. Somehow I always do! I actually find I have less energy when I am home and not doing much than during the school year when I am running around. I think working with that little girl showed you that you have the energy! 2 1/2 is a very busy age!!


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