Deciding my husband and I were ready to start a family was
easily the hardest, biggest, and most exciting decision we have ever made. It was a decision that took quite a long time
to happen, and I am proud to say that we have considered almost every facet
that goes into such a life-changing decision. Even now,
while actively TTC, we wonder if we’ll be able to handle it and we pray a lot
for guidance in this process. Still, we
(me more so than my hubby) find it impossible to contain our excitement about
our recent choice.
All this excitement has led to me obsessing over a baby and
pregnancy. I see baby clothes in the
store and I’m reminding myself that I’m not pregnant yet so it’s not feasible
to be buying clothes at this point. I
have, however, pretty much picked out the crib, highchair, rocking chair,
swing, and changing table I want already.
I also spend time noticing which toys my niece and nephew play with and
which ones aren’t as “cool” to them. I
look at baby books and get a fluttering in my stomach as I imagine reading to
our little one from day one. Passing by
the (future nursery) spare bedroom, I imagine Winnie the Pooh scattered throughout
the room while the furniture and simple lighting create a perfect
ambiance. I have spent hours coming up
with future activities my child and I can do while daddy is at work. I know to most people this all sounds crazy.
Even I can admit it’s a little too obsessive, but it’s so hard to let it
go of this excitement and possibility
that awaits me every month.
Reading the above paragraph, it probably won’t come as a
surprise that I have wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember. As a five-year-old, I would tell you I wanted
to be a mommy and a teacher; That goal still has not changed. I’ve dreamed about it for years. I’ve dreamed about what my baby will look
like, talk like, and smell like. I’ve dreamed about his/her personality and the
little things that irritate me and melt my heart. I’ve fantasized about what my child will be
when he or she grows up: a teacher, a firefighter, a doctor, the one who cures
CF…oh the dreams I’ve dreamed for my unborn baby.
However, with this much desire and excitement about our decision to
try for a family, I think I’ve forgotten to take time to relax. I realized just this evening that I desire a
pregnancy so much and focus on it so deeply, that I’m forgetting to enjoy the “now.” My sweet husband and I were eating dinner on
the floor of our living room, watching a movie, and enjoying the peace and
quiet tonight. I realize that these
moments will be entirely limited once we have a baby, and sadly I'm taking them for granted right now.
This got me thinking: what else am I taking for
granted? Here’s just a few things: ALONE
time together as a couple, my personal time alone, walks with just me and the
dog, watching all adult-themed television, leaving to go somewhere spur of the moment, just eating whatever for dinner some nights, cuddle time with no distractions, my
time to silently read a book, my excursions to the library, my simple time with
family and friends, not worrying about anyone but me and the hubby, being able
to sleep as much as I need when I’m sick, not saying “no” every minute (J), sleeping in on
weekends, and the list could go on.
Please don’t get me wrong, I will trade all of the abundant time I have for the above activities in order to have a family. I’m just saying, I’m focusing so much on getting pregnant, that I’m not taking time to enjoy the simplicity of our life right now, and I think that’s terrible. So I’m vowing to spend more time enjoying these little things while we still have time for them, regardless of how frustrating or chaotic our conception journey will be. I really need to learn to check some of this baby obsession at the front door.
I think this is an important realization we all have to come to during the TTC process! I've certainly had all these thoughts as well. Like you, I would trade the place I'm at in a heartbeat for a little one (or heck, right now, even normal menstrual cycles would be awesome!), but I have really come to treasure these moments with just me and my husband.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you have come to this realization too. I know many women who are so obsessed with the idea of being pregnant, and then sincerely miss the alone times with their spouse. I just want to appreciate everything that has been provided for me. I am truly blessed and I don't want to take anything for advantage.
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