Still exhausted, must be stressed, but currently no more blood.

Wow, what a title!

I'm going to begin by saying that I can't remember ever being this exhausted besides when I have had a PICC line.  The last 4-5 days I have been struggling just to make it through the day.  I wake up and find myself worn out just a few hours later even if I haven't done much.  I'm either fighting off something or extremely stressed (or both).

That leads me to my next point.  I must be stressed.  The only thing I can possibly think that would be stressing me out is the infertility information overload.  I can't think of a single other stresser right now in my life.  The reason I must be stressed is because I am breaking out like I'm a teenager all of the sudden.  I have always had acne on my chin (ever since I was a teenager), and it doesn't seem to ever go away fully, but the last 4-5 days I have had HORRENDOUS skin.  My cheeks, nose, and forehead look like I'm 14 again and I'm not really appreciating the sudden flashback to high school.  Not only is it acne, but it's cystic acne which hurts and looks bad.  I will definitely be wearing makeup for the holidays, that's for sure!!

As much as I hate the above two issues I'm currently dealing with, I will take them for an entire year straight if it means that my mucus stays blood-free! For the past two days I haven't coughed up any bloody mucus at all (Yay)!! My lungs have been feeling better and less junky, so hopefully my lungs have healed up and I can resume Hyper-sal on a regular basis (I feel better when I use it, that's for sure).

Today, I'm thankful for my husband letting me sleep in this weekend. I have been feeling quite rough and my sweet husband laid in bed (even though he couldn't sleep) for 3 extra hours, just so I wouldn't wake up. I finally woke up on Saturday at 2 PM! I slept for almost 14 hours straight and I still felt exhausted a few hours after waking up.  It was such a nice and wonderful thing for him to do for me and I'm grateful I got the extra (much-needed) sleep!  I'm also thankful that the last two days have been blood-free! :)

I did also post a new page of pictures of David and me (with our sweet little golden retriever).  There aren't too many, but they are some of my favorites! 

One Step Forward . . . Two Steps Back

Sometimes, when you really want something, it seems like progress almost moves backward before you start to see any results.

After posting yesterday I got the news from my doctor that as far as my lungs are concerned, there is no reason not to go through with IVF.  I was and still am elated and overjoyed about this factor.  She said that there are risks with IVF, but it shouldn't be any more prevalent just because of my cystic fibrosis.  Fantastic news!! 

Then she dropped the other shoe.  

The last time I was up at clinic my liver enzymes were much higher than normal.  I run somewhat high liver enzymes always due to the CF, but these were about 2 times as high as normal amounts.  She said that some IVF drugs are rough on the liver and therefore I need to see a liver specialist prior to doing my IVF treatments.  Surprisingly, I was ok with this information when she gave it to me.  I took down the specialists number and realized that this was just another step in the process.  

After hanging up with my doctor, I immediately called the scheduling department for the liver specialist.  Scheduling informed me that the earliest appointment is the last week of January/first week of February 2012.  This part...I'm NOT ok with.  

There's no real reason this should bother me as I realize that seeing specialty doctors often comes with a long wait, but when I was told my first cycle of IVF would be in January/February I was excited, and now I'm being told we have to wait even longer.  Yes, I know it's only another couple of months.  Yes, I realize that the ultimate goal is for me to be healthy to carry a baby. Yes, I realize that God has a right course for me and that it will work out the way it's supposed to.  No, I'm still not ok.

Ultimately, this is just a bump in the road, but once my husband and I made the decision to start a family every  month without a positive pregnancy test has been torture.  I'm so ready to be a mommy and being told that your dream has been delayed even more is hard to hear sometimes.  I'm also worried about the liver enzyme numbers.  I'm seriously hoping that nothing is wrong with my liver outside of normal CF inflammation and such, and I have to wait til next YEAR to find out. 

Until then, I'll just cross my fingers that all is well.  Is 2012 here yet? Please?

With that said, I think it's appropriate to be thankful for fresh starts.  I love the new year because it always seems like a new beginning and that anything is possible. There is no logical reasoning why problems should stop at the end of one calendar year, but sometimes it certainly seems to work out that way.  I love being able to make resolutions (and usually break them), and I love reflecting on the past year and creating a plan to make the upcoming year even better.  It seems like a second chance and it happens every twelve months!  I can't wait for New Years Eve this year!!

T.G.I.F.

I posted this blog to my wordpress account as well.  Therefore, although it still encompasses what's going on in my life, it is DEFINITELY not detailed in any way, shape, or form.  I state that we've had an exhausting week physically/emotionally, but in reality that might just be the understatement of the year.  Regardless, I promised I would post whatever was posted there, on here. So, with that said, here it is:

Numbers 6:24-26
“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be cracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

Happy Friday everyone!  I hope you are all doing well and have had a wonderful and blessed week!

This week has been extremely stressful and emotionally/physically draining for us.  My husband and I are both ready to just go out for a date night tonight and put this week behind us.  We have been reinstating “date night” into our lives, and it feels good.  It provides us with something to look forward to every weekend, and it allows us to just focus on each other for a few hours every week.

Our date nights aren’t usually expensive, but they’re fun.  We typically take out a frozen pizza after I pick David up from work.  We eat at home and then head out to catch a movie in the cheap show.  Ahh, the cheap show.  We have an amazing theater just about 15 minutes away from us and it shows movies that are about to come out on DVD for a highly discounted price.  We saw Crazy, Stupid Love last week, and I’m sure we’ll see something fun this week as well.  We then sometimes head to the mall or other stores to window shop (this is really more for my benefit than my husband’s).  Then, it’s back home where we typically watch another movie or TV show together on the couch.  By the time Friday ends, we’ve spent about a total of $7 (pizza, movie tickets, and gas included) for a wonderful evening!

Other than date night this weekend, we are also looking forward to family birthdays! We will be celebrating my husband’s brother’s birthday, and his great-aunt’s birthday! I always enjoy celebrating birthdays, and David’s family (my family) always has fun with birthdays.  For David and me, the most important part of the birthday is the gift-giving process. We are both givers, and we love watching reactions when our gifts are opened.  We have both said numerous times that we would much rather give gifts than receive them!

Time-change is also this weekend, which means we gain an extra hour of sleep!  Gaining an hour of sleep is one of the best feelings!  It will also be nice to see sunshine when driving David to work again. The last few days it has been pitch black when we’re headed to the school.  It’s depressing and hard to wake up when it’s that dark outside. I can’t wait for this time-change!!

With all of this fun, there must be work as well.  David will be spending a significant portion of time working on schoolwork this weekend, as he always does.  I really wonder if his fellow colleagues have any idea how much dedication, time, and effort he puts into these kids every single day.  He is truly remarkable!  While he works, I will be organizing various parts of the house, going through bills, taking down Halloween decorations, and any other odd jobs that I can find to do (there’s always plenty)!

All in all, it should be a fabulous weekend and a wonderful way to unwind and recharge.

 

Before I go, however, I need to share what I’m thankful for today.  This morning, I thought it was appropriate to say that I’m very thankful for weekends.  We always take the time to enjoy our weekends and typically we see some part of our family each weekend as well.  We are both thankful that no matter how hard the week has been, we always have Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday to call our own and live out to the fullest.  There are some weeks, like this current one, where we would be LOST without that time. 

I wish you all a happy, blessed, and enjoyable weekend!