Loving My Body

It probably won't come as much of a surprise to fellow CFers when I say that I have always struggled with body image. Since I was little, I remained either too tiny (something I relished in high school) or had the typical "CF belly" that made me look slightly pregnant even as I struggled to achieve that goal. Add to that, the two giant scars that cover my stomach from life-saving surgeries at birth, and I typically felt insecure. I never had that "perfect" body.

Until now.

As any woman who has had the privilege of carrying a child will probably tell you, there is something beautiful and perfect about pregnancy. Even when acne or dry skin is splotched everywhere, your veins are more prominent than you could have imagined, or your belly button pokes out and refuses to go back in, pregnancy is incredible.

For the first time in my life, my body is strikingly beautiful. The scars don't matter because each day I look at my belly, and I know that my body is sustaining a new life. My sweet child is growing at such a quick pace inside of me which in turn leads me to feel the most gorgeous I have ever felt.

I can't find the words to express how special or amazing pregnancy is to me. It's something that I dreamed about since I was a child, and in recent years it was a goal I really wasn't sure was attainable. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep thinking that my body may never achieve nature's purpose to carry a child. Because of this, I have spent every day of my pregnancy marveling over each new feeling, growth spurt, pound  gained, or any other change. I stop by the mirror at least a dozen times just to look at my belly and to talk to my baby.

I have always loved my life to the point where I truly see each day as a blessing to be enjoyed and lived to its fullest, but now I feel a divine purpose. A purpose to carry this beautiful baby and be his or her mother.

I've never felt more complete. Ever.