One Step Forward . . . Two Steps Back

Sometimes, when you really want something, it seems like progress almost moves backward before you start to see any results.

After posting yesterday I got the news from my doctor that as far as my lungs are concerned, there is no reason not to go through with IVF.  I was and still am elated and overjoyed about this factor.  She said that there are risks with IVF, but it shouldn't be any more prevalent just because of my cystic fibrosis.  Fantastic news!! 

Then she dropped the other shoe.  

The last time I was up at clinic my liver enzymes were much higher than normal.  I run somewhat high liver enzymes always due to the CF, but these were about 2 times as high as normal amounts.  She said that some IVF drugs are rough on the liver and therefore I need to see a liver specialist prior to doing my IVF treatments.  Surprisingly, I was ok with this information when she gave it to me.  I took down the specialists number and realized that this was just another step in the process.  

After hanging up with my doctor, I immediately called the scheduling department for the liver specialist.  Scheduling informed me that the earliest appointment is the last week of January/first week of February 2012.  This part...I'm NOT ok with.  

There's no real reason this should bother me as I realize that seeing specialty doctors often comes with a long wait, but when I was told my first cycle of IVF would be in January/February I was excited, and now I'm being told we have to wait even longer.  Yes, I know it's only another couple of months.  Yes, I realize that the ultimate goal is for me to be healthy to carry a baby. Yes, I realize that God has a right course for me and that it will work out the way it's supposed to.  No, I'm still not ok.

Ultimately, this is just a bump in the road, but once my husband and I made the decision to start a family every  month without a positive pregnancy test has been torture.  I'm so ready to be a mommy and being told that your dream has been delayed even more is hard to hear sometimes.  I'm also worried about the liver enzyme numbers.  I'm seriously hoping that nothing is wrong with my liver outside of normal CF inflammation and such, and I have to wait til next YEAR to find out. 

Until then, I'll just cross my fingers that all is well.  Is 2012 here yet? Please?

With that said, I think it's appropriate to be thankful for fresh starts.  I love the new year because it always seems like a new beginning and that anything is possible. There is no logical reasoning why problems should stop at the end of one calendar year, but sometimes it certainly seems to work out that way.  I love being able to make resolutions (and usually break them), and I love reflecting on the past year and creating a plan to make the upcoming year even better.  It seems like a second chance and it happens every twelve months!  I can't wait for New Years Eve this year!!