20 Week Ultrasound

Yesterday was our big ultrasound to check for any abnormalities in the baby, and boy was it a long day! My ultrasound was at 11:00 AM, and we arrived right on time although it took awhile to be seen. The ultrasound took about an hour for us as they spent time chasing each little limb and trying to make baby move to see what they needed to see. 

One of the things WE wanted to see was a confirmation of gender. I want to get this exciting part out of the way first so I am very happy to share with everyone that we are having a sweet little GIRL! We are ecstatic, and we are already planning the nursery for her. 

Our Precious Little Girl at 20 weeks 4 Days

Now onto the other pat of the ultrasound (And this is why I'm so very glad to have a private blog). The Ultrasound tech did find a choroid plexus cyst (CPC) in our little girl's brain. Now, 99% of the time these are nothing and are just a normal part of development which will resolve on its own by 28 weeks. BUT, due to the sue-happy country we live in, they have to make us aware of the other 1% where babies with CPCs end up having Trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 is incompatible with life as most babies die in utero or within the first few days of birth. 

The good news is that in the VAST majority of cases of Trisomy 18, other organs are affected. After taking a thorough look at each organ, the ultrasound tech noted that everything else looks perfect. She does not have a heart issue, kidney problems, clubbed hands, rocker feet, or a small jaw. She also is above average on weight gain which is a good sign as well. She weighs in at a whopping 14 oz which puts her in the 74th percentile! 

With all of the good news we received, it is very comforting that our little one probably does not have Trisomy 18. That said, we decided to go ahead and do the genetic testing where they will test my blood for baby's DNA. It will not diagnose it, but it will indicate if there is an increased risk of the baby having Trisomy 18. We're now in the two week wait until we hear back from those results.

Yesterday, we ended up having the ultrasound done, seeing the high-risk OB, seeing a genetic counselor, and doing a blood draw tomorrow after filling out a LOT of paperwork. It just was such a whirlwind day. I broke down and was crying in the hospital hallway while waiting to get my blood drawn. I was just overwhelmed. From before I was even pregnant with this sweet little girl, I loved her...yet finding out that something could be so seriously wrong made me realize just how STRONG that love is. It overwhelms me. 

By the time I came home and started doing some of my own research, I felt very reassured (Google actually was a positive experience for once)! I wasn't nearly as scared about it, and I started to tune into my body and into what my gut told me. 

I don't know that I can ever explain this in words, but my gut just tells me she is absolutely healthy. I have no bad feelings about her health, and every time I feel her strong little kicks or feel her roll around, I'm only that much more reassured. She is a fighter, and I just know she's ok. 

That said, the fear, of course, lingers in my mind. It's just that thought of the unknown, and the worry for the health of my child. Despite this fear though, the overwhelming feeling I have is one of reassurance and peace. This is the feeling I've decided to focus on. 

So now all I can do is pray and relax until we get the results. 

19 week photo

It's not the easiest to see as my husband REALLY wanted the crib in the photo which makes the bump harder to see. THAT said, it definitely looks higher than before to me. :) 

My Halfway Point

I have officially reached the halfway point of my pregnancy. Today marks 19 weeks (and 1 day), and due to the diabetes I will be induced no later than 38 weeks. I'm getting emotional thinking about the fact that I'm halfway to meeting my little baby. It also means I'm almost done being pregnant. Probably forever. And that really saddens me. 

I never expected to love pregnancy this much. I vividly remember sitting and praying that I would be lucky enough to get pregnant, but I also remember being quite afraid of the entire experience. I still have my fears as I worry about my lung function, weight gain, and blood sugars, but it's such a beautiful experience. I can't believe how blessed I am. 

I know that many people often say that childbearing is a punishment for women due to Eve's sin. Well, what an amazing punishment this is. To feel a life growing inside of me, and to know that my body sustained and built this life is the farthest thing from a punishment I can imagine. That's just me though.

Anyway, what's going on with me at 19 weeks?? Well, I've gained 13 pounds so far (I'm up to 130)! I'm starting to get really tired again so I've been taking it really easy and sleeping as much as possible. I think I'm pretty worn out still from all the holiday craziness we had going on. My bump doesn't really look any bigger, but it has risen a bit. I'll try to post a picture in the next few days. And..my lung function is down. My doctors aren't concerned about it, but I about threw up from fear when I saw my FEV1 score. My usual is around 84% and I blew a 60% at best my last clinic. I feel great, I'm not coughing more, and my exercise tolerance isn't down so they are not concerned, but I've been trying to work in more exercise to hopefully get that number back UP. 

Other than that, we've been busy working on getting the nursery ready. All the furniture is now together and the walls are painted. We've also been babyproofing the house here and there which is fun! I've been trying to get as much done now (while I have energy) so that the third trimester can be about preparing my body for baby and also working on freezer meals. 

I can't believe I'll be meeting my baby in less than 20 weeks. It's incredible!

Loving My Body

It probably won't come as much of a surprise to fellow CFers when I say that I have always struggled with body image. Since I was little, I remained either too tiny (something I relished in high school) or had the typical "CF belly" that made me look slightly pregnant even as I struggled to achieve that goal. Add to that, the two giant scars that cover my stomach from life-saving surgeries at birth, and I typically felt insecure. I never had that "perfect" body.

Until now.

As any woman who has had the privilege of carrying a child will probably tell you, there is something beautiful and perfect about pregnancy. Even when acne or dry skin is splotched everywhere, your veins are more prominent than you could have imagined, or your belly button pokes out and refuses to go back in, pregnancy is incredible.

For the first time in my life, my body is strikingly beautiful. The scars don't matter because each day I look at my belly, and I know that my body is sustaining a new life. My sweet child is growing at such a quick pace inside of me which in turn leads me to feel the most gorgeous I have ever felt.

I can't find the words to express how special or amazing pregnancy is to me. It's something that I dreamed about since I was a child, and in recent years it was a goal I really wasn't sure was attainable. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep thinking that my body may never achieve nature's purpose to carry a child. Because of this, I have spent every day of my pregnancy marveling over each new feeling, growth spurt, pound  gained, or any other change. I stop by the mirror at least a dozen times just to look at my belly and to talk to my baby.

I have always loved my life to the point where I truly see each day as a blessing to be enjoyed and lived to its fullest, but now I feel a divine purpose. A purpose to carry this beautiful baby and be his or her mother.

I've never felt more complete. Ever.